A widow has revealed how her husband’s brain tumours turned him from a ‘warm and loving’ husband and ‘doting dad’ to a violent abuser.
Michele Kenber, 58, says Dave Kenber, 54, changed dramatically, but there was little clue as to why, until his shocking diagnosis.
Scans revealed three cancerous lumps growing on his left frontal lobe — part of the brain which plays a key role in social skills, self-control and behaviour.
It came after years of heartache for corporate financier Ms Kenber — who watched the stepfather of her son turn into a paranoid and jealous man who she eventually had to evict.
Mr Kenber, financial executive, from Sandton, South Africa, put a tracker on her car, spyware on her computer, and would snap at their kids — once even pointing a pellet gun at Ms Kenber’s face, she revealed.
Michele Kenber, 58, says Dave Kenber, 54, changed dramatically, but she only realised why when doctors found three brain tumours on his left frontal lobe
Mr Kenber took on Ms Kenber’s son (pictured) from a previous marriage and ‘just totally adored him’
When the tumours were removed, he instantly reverted back to his ‘loving self’ and Ms kenber cared for him during his final months.
Mr Kenber failed to get a mark on his arm, which turned out to be skin cancer, checked out in 2013.
‘Like all men he hated going to the doctor’s,’ Ms Kenber said.
‘He was always in the sun but never wore sunblock.’
Eventually Mr Kenber booked an appointment and was referred for a biopsy, but it was cancelled at the last minute and he never re-booked.
The growth disappeared but a year later Ms Kenber says she ‘started noticing his personality changing’.
Mr Kenber, financial executive, from Sandton, South Africa , put a tracker on her car, spyware on her computer, and would snap at their kids – once even pointing a pellet gun at Ms Kenber’s face
In the space of around 12 months, in 2014, he went from being the life and soul of the party to a ‘mean and jealous person,’ Ms Kenber said
Mr Kenber failed to get a mark on his arm, which turned out to be skin cancer, checked out in 2013
Eventually Mr Kenber booked an appointment and was referred for a biopsy, but it was cancelled at the last minute and he never re-booked
In the space of around 12 months, in 2014, he went from being the life and soul of the party to a ‘mean and jealous person,’ she said.
She explained he took on her son from a pervious marriage and ‘just totally adored him’, but everything changed.
‘We were happy, we both had successful careers, our boys were thriving, our lives were social and fun, but then I started to notice changes in his personality,’ she said.
‘There was never jealousy in our marriage, and suddenly he started to become very paranoid about things and saying things like “why are you wearing that”.
‘He also started getting agitated with the kids really quickly. It deteriorated to the point where it became a nightmare to live with him.’
He even ended up putting computer spyware on all of Ms Kenber’s devices and put a tracker on her car.
‘I became suspicious when he would say things like “what were you doing at lunchtime today?”, Ms Kenber said.
One night she awoke to find Mr Kenber pointing a pellet gun at her face.
She began having frequent contact with police in Sandton after continuous domestic violence incidents, she said.
Ms Kenber said: ‘The anguish that brought about was horrible – having kids with the legal process of that was traumatising.
‘I went to Sandton police station to open a case and just thought “how did this happen to me?”
In October 2016, Mr Kenber suddenly collapsed while he was at work, and he was rushed to hospital, during which time he had had two seizures
A scan revealed he had three advanced brain tumours on his left frontal lobe — the area of the brain which affects logic
Brain tumours can cause personality changes including a lack of motivation, irritability and even aggression, The Brain Tumour Charity explains
In late 2015, Ms Kenber had him evicted from the house and got a restraining order.
But in October 2016, Mr Kenber suddenly collapsed while he was at work, and he was rushed to hospital, during which time he had had two seizures.
A scan revealed he had three advanced brain tumours.
The Brain Tumour Charity explains that one in three people could experience personality changes caused by a brain tumour or its treatment.
Other common symptoms of brain tumours include headaches, seizures, nausea, weakness in a part of your body and vison or speech problems, the NHS says.
Brain tumours are the biggest cancer killer of children and adults under 40 and more than 5,300 people lose their lives to a brain tumour each year.
He was immediately given intensive radiotherapy. Mr Kenber was also given steroids to reduce the swelling, and once they removed some of the tumour, Ms Kenber was amazed to see her old husband come back
Ms Kenber moved him back into her house where he stayed for his final four months, before he died on January 26, 2017
Ms Kenber has since retired from corporate sales and now volunteers for a domestic violence charity
Ms Kenber said: ‘The tumours had all come from a melanoma from the original growth on his arm I spotted all those years ago.
‘By time he collapsed, the big ones had been growing for a good few years.’
He was immediately given intensive radiotherapy.
‘The brain surgeon asked me if I noticed any changes in personality in his personality. I just told him “you don’t want to know!”,’ she said.
Mr Kenber was also given steroids to reduce the swelling, and once they removed some of the tumour, Ms Kenber was amazed to see her old husband come back.
‘I literally saw the change in real time,’ she said.
‘He was totally back to his old self.’
Ms Kenber moved him back into her house where he stayed for his final four months, before he died on January 26, 2017.
‘We had four amazing months where everything of the previous years was almost wiped away,’ she said.
‘He totally reverted back – it was amazing. That time I was extremely grateful for,’ she added.
Now, Ms Kenber is urging people to be ‘more vigilant and get themselves checked’.
‘I just wish people, especially men, would be more vigilant and get themselves checked,’ she said.
Ms Kenber has since retired from corporate sales and now volunteers for a domestic violence charity.
She said: ‘My experience though horrible really opened my eyes to what people go through, it’s never as simple as just getting up and leaving.
‘I urge anyone who notices a growth or something unusual on their skin to get it checked out immediately, you never know what could happen.’